This weekend our church had a Single’s Summit that was filled with 1000+ single men and women seeking God’s will for them to be set free from any strongholds in our lives that are not allowing us to live the abundant life God has promised us.
There can be many reasons as to why singles, especially Christian singles, aren’t living as if they have all of the freedom in the world to do whatever they want without answering to anyone. However, the most common reason singles aren’t embracing this freedom, particularly females, is because we idolize that next season that many of us want: marriage. We allow the desire for marriage to fog our focus and we begin to live performance based lives as if that will guarantee us a ring and life-long commitment.
For the Christian females, it’s often the mentality of ‘if I serve in his ministry, be his yes girl and show him how much I love children, then he’ll want to marry me and make me the mother of his kids’. For nonbelievers, it’s often ‘if I am the baddest chick on the block, am his ride or die and give him whatever he wants in the bed, surely he’ll wife me up’.
Ladies, let me help you release the pressure of performance over your lives and say that no amount of servanthood or Cirque de Soleil in the bedroom will keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept. Let Kevin Hart’s recent rumored affair help you focus on this truth if you find yourself living in denial. Endless amount of times we hear about these celebrities that have some beautiful women who probably give their A-game to their husbands in many forms, yet the same old celebrity caught cheating banner comes up on our newsfeeds regularly. Repeatedly, husbands step out on their Cirque de Soleil bedroom performer for the girl selling peanuts in the stands which goes to prove that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. A man or woman without a Higher accountability will never live disciplined on this earth in any area of their lives.
Jonathan Traylor was one of the worship artists at our Single’s Summit this weekend and when I went to check out his social media, I came across the most transparent FB post from his wife that truly inspired this post:
You see ladies, there’s a certain maturity that comes with becoming a true woman of God that a sober mentality of what our men go through must accompany. Do I believe that Kevin Hart set out to purposely betray his wife and family? No. Do I believe that he very foolishly put himself in all the right, wrong situations that make it easy to give into your desires versus stay committed to his vows? Yes, I do. The point is whether it’s a celebrity, a pastor or your boyfriend/husband, they are all susceptible to believing the lies of the enemy and falling weak to the temptation that surrounds them daily – minute by minute.
As God’s daughters, He doesn’t want us to live in the bondage of a performance based life because He knows that we will run ourselves thin. Instead, I believe He wants us to take on the same posture as Jonathan Traylor’s wife and choose prayer over performance. Only God has the power to change the heart of man and the best thing us females can do whether single or married is cover our brothers in prayer joining in the battle against their souls for living victorious lives. Through our posture of prayer, God will not only be called on to protect our brothers, but we activate Him to protect our hearts confirming that we are in agreement with Him about our kingdom identities separate from our husbands/future husbands and understand that our husband’s victory over sexual immorality is not based within our physical performances.
God loves marriage and He wants to see them succeed beyond the tests of temptation. Join Him in the battle over our hearts versus the battle over our actions.
If you’re single, you don’t have to wait until you have a husband to pray over him. If you’re married, keep covering him.
Prayer. Over. Performance