Prayer Over Performance


This weekend our church had a Single’s Summit that was filled with 1000+ single men and women seeking God’s will for them to be set free from any strongholds in our lives that are not allowing us to live the abundant life God has promised us.

There can be many reasons as to why singles, especially Christian singles, aren’t living as if they have all of the freedom in the world to do whatever they want without answering to anyone. However, the most common reason singles aren’t embracing this freedom, particularly females, is because we idolize that next season that many of us want: marriage. We allow the desire for marriage to fog our focus and we begin to live performance based lives as if that will guarantee us a ring and life-long commitment.

For the Christian females, it’s often the mentality of ‘if I serve in his ministry, be his yes girl and show him how much I love children, then he’ll want to marry me and make me the mother of his kids’. For nonbelievers, it’s often ‘if I am the baddest chick on the block, am his ride or die and give him whatever he wants in the bed, surely he’ll wife me up’.

Ladies, let me help you release the pressure of performance over your lives and say that no amount of servanthood or Cirque de Soleil in the bedroom will keep a man that doesn’t want to be kept. Let Kevin Hart’s recent rumored affair help you focus on this truth if you find yourself living in denial. Endless amount of times we hear about these celebrities that have some beautiful women who probably give their A-game to their husbands in many forms, yet the same old celebrity caught cheating banner comes up on our newsfeeds regularly. Repeatedly, husbands step out on their Cirque de Soleil bedroom performer for the girl selling peanuts in the stands which goes to prove that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. A man or woman without a Higher accountability will never live disciplined on this earth in any area of their lives.

Jonathan Traylor was one of the worship artists at our Single’s Summit this weekend and when I went to check out his social media, I came across the most transparent FB post from his wife that truly inspired this post:

You see ladies, there’s a certain maturity that comes with becoming a true woman of God that a sober mentality of what our men go through must accompany. Do I believe that Kevin Hart set out to purposely betray his wife and family? No. Do I believe that he very foolishly put himself in all the right, wrong situations that make it easy to give into your desires versus stay committed to his vows? Yes, I do. The point is whether it’s a celebrity, a pastor or your boyfriend/husband, they are all susceptible to believing the lies of the enemy and falling weak to the temptation that surrounds them daily – minute by minute.

As God’s daughters, He doesn’t want us to live in the bondage of a performance based life because He knows that we will run ourselves thin. Instead, I believe He wants us to take on the same posture as Jonathan Traylor’s wife and choose prayer over performance. Only God has the power to change the heart of man and the best thing us females can do whether single or married is cover our brothers in prayer joining in the battle against their souls for living victorious lives. Through our posture of prayer, God will not only be called on to protect our brothers, but we activate Him to protect our hearts confirming that we are in agreement with Him about our kingdom identities separate from our husbands/future husbands and understand that our husband’s victory over sexual immorality is not based within our physical performances.

God loves marriage and He wants to see them succeed beyond the tests of temptation. Join Him in the battle over our hearts versus the battle over our actions.

If you’re single, you don’t have to wait until you have a husband to pray over him. If you’re married, keep covering him.

Prayer. Over. Performance

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  • Terell Ward

    Great blog post! As men we do need your prayers for protection but as a married man I’ll ask that you also pray that we walk in God’s purpose for our lives because it lessens the impact of temptation. As men we are suppose to plant seeds, that’s our natural instinct but when we are outside of God’s will we’ll plant seeds in anything…
    Our passion drives us and it has been used by the enemy to destroy ourselves and everything in our path instead of us using our passion to fulfill our Goodly mandate of, protecting, cultivating, working, teaching, and having vision for our lives and family. (Gen chapter 1-2). Our enemy satan has been after us from the beginning of time. Satan used Eve NOT because she was weaker but he knew Adams design was to serve her and he’d listen to her if she had something to say about the tree regardless of what God told him. It is extremely important to note that men were created to serve which may be contrary to popular belief… However, when purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable…. As men we are built to serve so if we are not serving God’s purpose, we are simply abusing our purpose by only serving ourselves by cheating on our wives and everything that we come in contact with!

    • Arlene Soriano

      So great to have a man’s perspective on this! Thank you!

  • Donnie

    I wanted to rant about Kevin Hart via my fb status but sloooowly learning there’s a time and a place… People forget what’s not highlighted but I vividly remember being confused while watching Laugh at my pain… When he made jokes about cheating on his ex very black wife & mother of both his children, yaaa girl hahaha

    Thanks for the fellow browse & comment keep up the content… I need more Christian black women to follow ❤

    • Arlene Soriano

      lol I kept my Kevin Hart comments to myself too……….Christian black females still exist! xoxo

  • Ann Remo

    This is a great post. Praying for our men is so important. There is so much temptation out there nowadays. Thank you for these reminders and for sharing.

    • Arlene Soriano

      So many temptations for both sexes! Thank you for reading.

  • Jackline Njagi

    Prayer over performance Amen Amen This is really good….I am going to start praying more than I perform

    • Arlene Soriano

      Take that burden off of yourself girl. Yes, you play a part but not the whole thing 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing this Arlene!

  • Before I was married I had all sorts of lists of what skills I needed to accomplish to make me a good wife. I fail at most of those. It was a difficult couple years of being married to accept that my husband doesn’t like my cooking but he can still love me for who I am.

  • You are a wonderful woman and a caring and loving wife. Lovely to see.

  • Whitney

    SO true. Temptation is real. The enemy seeks to kill and destroy. We can’t keep our spouses faithful, but if they are seeking God and living a life of worship, they will be able to flee temptation more easily.

    • Arlene Soriano

      Amen Whitney! It’s relieving to take that pressure off ourselves once we realize this.

  • Brandi Jeter Riley

    Wow! Over 1000 singles??? Okay, I will say that I know that this is a fact. A man (or a woman) isn’t going to stay just because you are good in bed. It’s immature to think that. Great post.

    • Arlene Soriano

      Thanks Brandi! Yes, 1000+! God is good.

  • I was married and it’s so important to pray over your husband. Although mine has passed away I do pray for other marriages because it’s so tough out here. Temptation is real. I use to think it men just up and leave but these women out here are thirsty. You have to have a strong faith to withstand it

    • Arlene Soriano

      Sadly, the females are a bigger problem than the men these days. Why do we do this to each other? smh

  • Erika

    Wonderful Post! Packed full critical truths, real encouragement and just the right amount of humor 🙂 Love it.

  • Melissa Gendreau

    I pray for my husband daily. I pray that God leads him in the areas that he needs intercession. I then pray that God guides me in how best to love, encourage, and respect my husband. Thank you for the reminders today! God bless!