It’s natural to be in a reflective mode as each year comes to an end. I particularly like to reflect on where I was a year ago at this time and where I am now. This has been one of my most critical years in growth: spiritually, emotionally, economically – you name it.
For the past few days, my heart seemed to want to reflect on more than just 1 year ago. This morning I was taken back to this day, 10 years ago. I can hardly believe it’s been 10 years already. Ten years since someone I dated and truly cared for lost his life. That would’ve made him 22 yrs old and me 23. When I think about where I was then and where I am now, it seems like a completely different life. I’m thankful for where God has brought me from and although that soul tie has long been broken, I still care for the soul of my ex-boyfriend. Does it lie with Jesus? I pray so.
If you’ve embarked on this curly girl journey, you’ve probably already realized that this natural hair life is no joke! This past year of transitioning from my love of bone straight hair to my natural curls has been nothing short of overwhelming. There’s a ton of information out on the web about how best to manage your curly hair and all of the information is different. Ahhhhh!! Initially, I spent entirely too much money on products just to see if my hair would like it. I wound up having over $1,000 in hair care products that I still cannot organize and convicts me every time I see them. I’ve since vowed not to buy another product until I’ve used all of these – and if my hair likes it or not, they will be used!
One day a light bulb went off in my head or I got completed frustrated. I don’t remember but I decided not to listen to the many curly hair methods on YouTubeand/or Facebook/IG. I’m not a girl that has the patience for the long processes most of them were describing and I had to realize that most of them have an incentive for speaking about a particular product. They either received it free or they were being paid to speak about it. I, however, was foolishly spending all of my money with no results in my hair and no return deposit in the bank.
This weekend our church had a Single’s Summit that was filled with 1000+ single men and women seeking God’s will for them to be set free from any strongholds in our lives that are not allowing us to live the abundant life God has promised us.
There can be many reasons as to why singles, especially Christian singles, aren’t living as if they have all of the freedom in the world to do whatever they want without answering to anyone. However, the most common reason singles aren’t embracing this freedom, particularly females, is because we idolize that next season that many of us want: marriage. We allow the desire for marriage to fog our focus and we begin to live performance based lives as if that will guarantee us a ring and life-long commitment.
For the Christian females, it’s often the mentality of ‘if I serve in his ministry, be his yes girl and show him how much I love children, then he’ll want to marry me and make me the mother of his kids’. For nonbelievers, it’s often ‘if I am the baddest chick on the block, am his ride or die and give him whatever he wants in the bed, surely he’ll wife me up’.
For the past couple of years, I’ve had a theme of sorts for each year. The theme is usually something I pray about and then see what it is that God wants me to really live out or focus on in the coming year. It’s usually something that if I take serious in seeking, becomes pretty evident within a few weeks. Confirmations after confirmations come and I know without a doubt, what the theme for the coming year is. Sometimes it’s a single word or a phrase. Either way, it’s become something I like to seek out as each year comes to an end.
In 2015 and 2016, my theme ran overboard. Overboard in my mind but not God’s. It was “all things new”. At first glance, it was pretty exciting thinking about what that could mean and what new things would come my way. Having crawled out of 2016, I know that “all things new”, came with grand sacrifices that when I felt like I didn’t have any more to give – the year kept taking. I even developed a new definition of the word “sacrifice”. Automatically, I think of materialism. However, sacrifice is no longer just something I “have to give up” but something I willingly offer. I noticed in 2016, how unfamiliar that word truly was to me.
Through the years and seasons, I’ve seen styles come and go, feelings be ever present and feelings be ever faded, best friends become old friends and Mr. Right become Mr. what was I thinking? Being 32 now, and having lived in 4 major U.S. cities, I sometimes have to remind myself that I have been through experiences that not every person has been through and seen things that many won’t see in their whole lifetime. I’ve clichély loved and I’ve lost. I’ve seen life being birthed and life being jeopardized. I’ve partied til the sun has come up 3 times and I’ve also found Jesus and spent weekends reading, praying and serving. When I put it on paper, I have to pause and realize that despite my current feelings about where I am in life, I HAVE truly been fortunate to have gone where I’ve gone and done what I’ve done and still be here to tell you guys about it.